Restless.

It was about 2 in the morning,and I was tossing and turning in the bed trying to go to sleep. Then I went to cbs3 & read the article of my friends death. Sad.. right. Welp, I saw the video & it reminded me of my own bestfriends death. Wham!!! I was up and awake. So I grabbed my ipod nano(Rest in Peace Ipod Video) = ( and listened to some music. One song by the Cheetah Girls "Break out this box" had me. It summed up my whole outlook on life and death. The way I was thinking, I actually thought Mr.Roddy was normal for a minute. Before you get it twisted, he is, jerkface. I just thought about how life was short, and what my purpose on this earth would be. I'm a deep ass thinker.
Oh, i'm going to get on the laptop, the typing is making my mother shuffle in her sleep.

Back.. on the laptop. it's way cooler typing on here, my typing doesnt bother anyone. I can listen to my ipod, and zone out. I wish I was reading catcher and the rye. eggh.. no. My mothers being trying to have some time together for a minute. This morning, she wanted to take me Olive Garden. I've been complaining that my break sucked, and that I didnt want to go anywhere. The truth is that I cant go out to eat with her. She ask's many personal questions, and thus I always end up crying. I have a few secrets, that I try to keep guarded. I live with my sister in lindenwold to go to school, but on weekends I come home. egh, i'm always on the go. So I'm staying here in philly for the break. I want to come home though, because she doesnt let me go anywhere. ugh... But anywho not even 5 minutes after I woke up, Bamm! she hit me with a question, and thus she got frustrated when I didnt answer. truth is i do share more with friends than her, but I've tried that opening up thing with her before and it didnt work. So yeah. I just made farina, watched tv with her, and played street fighter. I'm on my bed now, listening to " What were we thinking by Joss Stone" it's really good. Kind of Climatic though, it's takes you through many emotions, listening to it with earphones enhances thee experience, cause she talks on diffrent ears. Cool right, yeahhh.. .. So I just changed my song "secret love" by jojo.

Why can i never face reality, and realize that you'll never feel for me, the same way i feel for you.. welp because where i am now, it hurts less.
So readers, dont think I'm crazy, but thats the wayy my train runs.
Sometimes I dont know why when i look at photo's of you, and or anything that reminds of you. I get this feeling, one thats half "wtf" and other"omg". I cant help, i told you i was a stupid little boy. Dont get me wrong, I dont like you, atleast I hope i dont. I just cant take the feeling of not having something. because frankly If i got you, after about a day, i wouldnt want you anymore. i just think its the feeling of not having something and wanting it. I'm confused also. Let's just say your a heartbreak, welp not that cause thats a little harsh. i know, your charming. you dont realize how many fall foryou, but yet you want one. if im not mistaken that doesnt want you. (oh yeah dont jump to conclusions, and pretend you know what im talking about cause you dont). Your charming, ha smooth talker, easy with the words. You have a whole flock following you. Yet, in my world I'm the one you want, but reality is i'm with the rest of birds cuck-cooing. I mean were in a good place right now, i mean I wish we were a little closer, over time that will happen, maybe if i wouldnt be the one to keep this friendship alive. Oh, and please dont think it's a blog to deflower you. it's my thoughts, so dont take this harshly, even though i didnt say anything harsh i think.
welp lets dote on the positve why dont we.
you make me smile. i tend to think over past conversations we had, and boy do i get bright face. I'm really grateful, we came a long way, and hopefully nothing will break us apart anymore.

Anywho let me paint you a picture: it's a lazy day, its raining and i'm listening to "warwick avenue"by duffy.. ha my own music video. "give em face kitty"..lmao

over&out.