All things that hurt.

What I am about to say isn't a quote i hope; from jay or ye. It's simply a monikor(spell check it) for my current blog: The Worst Critic is yourself. Thats real talk.

Sometimes out of nowhere, I get down. Depressed, in a trance feeling real sad. Before we Continue, I have a bad habit of noticing everything. Sometimes their are things I am not supposed to know, but i find out anyone. Usually I overhear, or i see things. Ha, talk about bad luck. I think that sometimes I have the worst. I'm naive at times. I'm smart most of the time, I have a good grip of whats going around. I need to , for my sanity.

So i know it's random, and because my dad n brother just pissed me off, I lost my train of thought, choo choo gone..ha ha get it.. but so here's the story.

I had a Bestfriend Timothy Slyvester Howe.He died.The End. No but earlier I wrote a few blogs on my myspace: i shall post them here. Voila.
This one is from Sunday, September 21, 2008.
I miss you. it's been 3 yrs. Somethings never stop reminding me of you. I remeber our silly conversations. Our songs. Your favorite foods. Your favorite colors. The weird things, you never pressured me. At first you made it seem like I was dumb , but deep down inside you knew you wanted to ask it. You been throught a lot of trouble , I was by your side. You didn't need me to prove it to you either , sometimes you took it for granted, towards the end. i think you did. atleast you know that I lovedd you. You were my bestfried , my seatbelt , my rock,. If you were here, I wouldn't need anything. Nothing at all you , just you and me against the world. These are my thoughts , I wish you were here to understand them. I nevered judged you , not once. Everything that you were capable of made me happy. You weren't going to school, I showed you the importance , You went back. That's productivity. Losing a bestfriend is like losing the one thing that made you happy on this earth. Oh god. Those two songs. And I and Dru Hill. Youre the best bestfriend ever. You became my lover later on. I lost you when things mattered the most. If you would've only listened, then you would be here. Who knows what I would've become though. I love you. Timothy Slyvester Howe. R.I.PJanuary 04 , 88- December 01, 2005

Secondly this was written April 11, 2009
It's been 4 years since you've died. Yet I'm still holding on to it. See couldn't even experience happyness. Below you can read the prologue to this blog and it will help you realize what I'm talking about. Does this make me Crazy? He died 4 yrs ago.. I still save this voice mail of his voice faithfully every 40 days , even cry when I'm listening to it. Am I crazy? Idk..On the inside, I'm a stupid , young, naive little boy who always wishes for the best, and always knows the worst. It's like everytime I get the short end of the stick. Really, I put out the most and get nothing. The one chance I get at happyness its gets taken away. This would've been like the perfect love story. It was while it lasted. I just dont know wtf happened? I come home and find out your gone.. = (Thus this & other things might've changed my out look on life and provided me with this thought: She's(all of you) (is)are always so lucky to get (it)Him. I never do.. Reallyy.. I'm tired of saying one day, it'll come. Right about now I dont care if does or not. I just cant afford to be a stupid little boy anymore. Ughh.. I have tons of problems, more than anyone should. I'm always opressed or put in a situation that I shoudlnt be put in. Whatevverr though. I'm just going to go delete those that mean nothing to me. It'll be a part too pretty soon. So check back.


So maybe I do crazy things for the sake of my sanity, doing things like that help to keep me in check. I still listen to his voice mail now & then. I think about the phone conversations that we had. I regret not going to your funeral. I miss us. I listen to our songs. I tell him new things that have been happening lately. It's pretty crazy, but like I said keeps my sane. I'm wondering if its time to move on?.. When i'm presented with things like this, I try not to think. more so i roll my eyes, and just search for my zen.
That'll do it for now.